The Skip A Day Diet

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds. “Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.” “From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.” No, from skipping.”

TODAY: SKIP (EATING) SOMETHING.

Thanks to Ebaumsworld for the joke.

Diet Ice Cubes

Camp Hill PA– The latest diet craze, diet ice cubes, is becoming a big seller at the Pick N Tote in the West Shore Farmers Market. The tiny ice cubes cost $10.00 for a dozen and the store sells thousands a day. The ice cubes have zero calories and no cholesterol. They are the brain child of the store’s manager aptly named Arnold Waterman.

The diet ice cubes are “homemade, right in back of the store” according to Waterman. “We have them displayed with the snacks, right next to the diet sodas, you can’t miss them.”

Wendy King-MacDonald A big customer and fan of the diet ice cubes said “I weigh 457 pounds but I’m trying to lose some.” Her cart was filled with junk food and diet ice cubes. “I also like the fact the ice cubes are low in cholesterol since I have had heart failure. So I hope to be either dead or in a bikini by the end of July.”

Mr. Waterman hopes to make a boatload of money with his new product line. “I’m thinking of selling diet water for $10.00 a bottle too. There certainly is no shortage of suckers out there to sell these diet products to. Like everything else, they eat it up. ”

Really?

TODAY: DON’T BE FOOLED. DROP SOME REAL CALORIES AND DO SOME REAL EXERCISE. THAT REALLY WORKS.

Thanks to TheSpoof.com for the original story which has been modified by The Diet Nag.

The Purina Diet

Over the weekend I was at the local warehouse club buying a huge bag of Purina dog chow for our Labrador Retriever Sally.  I was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. My first thought was “what did she think I had, an elephant?” Rather than ending it there by saying yes, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog and “I was starting the Purina Diet again.” Then I said that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but it was a great diet because I’d lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the intensive care unit.

I went on to tell her  it was a nearly perfect diet. The way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The dog food is nutritionally complete, it works well and I was going to try it again. By now everyone in line is listening in.

She then asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, “I was running around in the yard when I chased a tennis ball into the street and got hit by a car.”

She didn’t get it, but I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

TODAY: LAUGH IT UP. IT’S GOOD FOR YOU.